Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
