When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
