I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
