At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize