Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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