: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
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