Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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