Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
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Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
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Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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