So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
