put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
