i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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