I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
