Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
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