I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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