I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
And then he peed in my hair
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