trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
