My Higher Power is John Stamos
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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