so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
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