well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
