They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
