I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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