on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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