Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
