I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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