Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
