I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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