The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
