I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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