I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
