Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
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