As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Randomize
