This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Randomize
