I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
