If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
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