I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
