Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
