My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
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