I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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