He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
