his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
