Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize
