I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
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