ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
