it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
