Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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