My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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