Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
