So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
