Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
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