rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
