The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
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I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
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