So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Randomize
