I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
