everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
