no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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