Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
