Umm I'm too high to move.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
