found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
